Hat Band by Chris Green
A jazz musician making his way down an Exeter street on a Wednesday morning with a charity shop bag full of bargain books can hardly be blamed for failing to notice that he is being tailed by a tall, thin man in a dark overcoat. Musicians are more accustomed to being looked at than looking, a matter which helps to explain why the thin man in the dark overcoat has been able to keep an eye on Max Tempo’s movements unnoticed for a day or two. Max is simply not aware that there is anything untoward in his world and why would he be? His quintet has a full diary of bookings, the promise of a recording contract and he has the beginnings of a new tune in his head. This is what preoccupies him as he approaches RAMM in Queen Street, where he feels he might drop in and have a cup of tea and sketch out the chords of the new tune on the pad he carries around with him. Maybe afterwards he can have a look at the paintings in the new exhibition by the modern artist whose name temporarily escapes him. Belinda mentioned him that morning over breakfast. Portraits assembled from cut up phone books or something like that, she said.
Max Tempo is not even curious when he catches the tall, thin stranger casting furtive glances from the corner of the café in RAMM, where he is enjoying his lemon polenta cake. The man probably recognises him from one of his gigs. This happens all the time. People are just too shy to come over and say they enjoyed the set. Or, is he merely admiring his brightly coloured African blazer and striped Jazz cap. It does register with him however when he encounters the same stranger waiting outside the gents toilet, but he does not give this a second thought. After all, there are gay men everywhere these days.
‘I wonder who that fellow in the black Jaguar is,’ Belinda says, looking out of the bay window of their townhouse. ‘He’s been sitting there all afternoon.’
‘Probably broken down or something,’ Max says. Max is working on the arrangement for his new tune on his iMac. The piano part is coming along well but the guitar part is proving trickier than he first thought it was going to be. This is the trouble when you try to put in too many minor chords.
‘Now I come to think of it, he was there yesterday afternoon too,’ Belinda says. ‘When I came back from the leisure centre. I noticed it because it’s quite an old car, isn’t it? Fellow in a dark coat and hat with his head in Jazz Weekly. Peering over the top of it, he was. I remember the banner headline Big Fifties Jazz Revival. I thought he must have been a friend of yours. There were some instruments in the back of the car too. Saxophones, I think.’
‘Perhaps he’s with Green Flag,’ says Max, who has not been listening. ‘They are pretty slow in coming out.’
‘He keeps looking over this way, Max.’
‘You want me to go and ask him what he’s doing, is that it? Perhaps I should invite him in for a tea and cake. Maybe, he can stay for dinner.’
‘No need to be like that, Max.’
‘I’m trying to finish this tune, Bee.’
Max feels It is always a good idea to open the set with a good old jazz standard. So, at Cool for Cats, the Max Tempo Quintet open with Goodbye Pork Pie Hat. As he looks around, Max feels pleased that there is a healthy turnout for a weekday, a couple of hundred perhaps, a good mix of all ages, couples and singles, a few gays and a few hipsters thrown in. So, Max feels they might try out the new number, now that Buck has put in the new guitar part and Bram has the tenor saxophone solo worked out. Max has given it the working title, Borsalino.
The band’s set, featuring highlights of their own material along with reworked standards, goes well. There is a good response from the audience to the new number. Although it is sometimes difficult to see everything that is going on from behind the piano, during the last few numbers, Max can’t help noticing that there are two men with no rhythm dressed in dark vintage overcoats sitting at a table towards the back. Alongside the revellers, they seem oddly out of place and out of time. As Max leaves Cool for Cats after the set, humming a new tune that is coming to him, he finds the same two men are waiting for him by his car. Is that a Fedora the one pointing the gun is wearing?
‘Nice and easy now!’ the other one, the stockier of the two says, stepping out of the shadow.
Definitely a Trilby, the stocky one is wearing, thinks Max. Wait! He’s also got a gun. What’s happening to people in this sleepy corner of the country? It’s always been so peaceful and laid back down this way. The Max Tempo Quintet have been able to get away with more slow numbers here than anywhere else in the country. You wouldn’t be able to follow Misty with The Nearness of You in Bristol or Swindon.
‘You are coming for a little ride with us,’ Fedora says, without the menace you might expect from a seasoned gunman. He ushers his Max towards a Jaguar with blacked out windows. Against his weak protests, he is bundled into the back. Without ceremony, Fedora and Trilby get in and the car speeds off.
Ella Valée plays jazz singer, Liv Golden in the long-running television series, High Tide. In case you’ve not seen it, High Tide takes place over an indeterminable time frame and is set on an imaginary island where nothing is what it seems. When Ella is snatched from the set at Shepperton during filming by two thugs with bad manners in dark suits and nineteen fifties hats, she takes it to be an unscripted development in the plot. Surprises like this often take place in High Tide. Director, Leif Velasquez does nothing in a conventional way. Uncertainty, he says, keeps actors on their toes. The series plays around with alternate realities, multiverses, sadomasochism and jazz. A typical episode of High Tide will feature flashbacks and flash-forward sequences, secret agents, doppelgängers and speaking dolphins. Liv Golden usually gets to sing a number or two, in a carefully selected hat. This is one of the regular features of the show, probably the only regular feature the show.
Ella Valée first begins to suspect that something might be wrong on the silent drive away from the studio in the big black Jaguar. Neither the stocky gangster in the Trilby who forces her in at gunpoint or the long, lean one in the Fedora has anything to say. It would be unusual, she thinks, to place such a protracted silence in a prime time TV drama. Not that the unusual phases Ella these days. She has learned that anything can happen shooting High Tide. But, why are they going so fast and where are the cameras? She looks around her. She can see none of the usual paraphernalia for filming inside the car and the vehicles that usually accompany them with kit for the shoot are nowhere to be seen. This is not something that is scheduled to happen. These goons are for real. They are abducting her.
For miles upon miles, the forbidding silence in the car persists. Why don’t the two goons speak, Ella wonders? They could at least threaten her or swap stories with one another about buying hats or gunrunning. She notices they are keeping to windy B roads. Back lanes these might be but she recognises the some of the place names. Stockbridge, Middle Wallop, Winterslow. They seem to be heading south west. It would help to have some idea what was happening. It’s not likely to be good but it would be helpful to know.
Whichever genre of popular music, drums and bass represent the driving force of a band. There have been some great rhythm sections over the years. Depending on your proclivities. Max Roach and Charlie Mingus, Ginger Baker and Jack Bruce, or Sly and Robbie might be ones that spring to mind. Sticks Mullins and Bernie McCoy may not enjoy the same stature as the aforementioned, in fact, you have probably not heard of them but for years they have been the backbone of the jazz combo, the Zoot Norris Seven.
Sticks and Bernie are puzzled as to why two burly hoods should seize them in the middle of the day from the Pannier Market in Tavistock where they were innocently trying on hats and bring them to this big old house in the middle of Dartmoor. Questioning their captors on route about what was happening met with the cryptic, you’ll find out soon enough, sunshine. They haven’t. The hoods appear to have just dropped them off here and left them. Not a clue as to why they might be here. However with the doors triple-locked and the windows barred and boarded, they are unable to escape. Apart than this, it seems they have free run of the place.
Someone is tinkling the ivories in an upstairs room. They follow the direction of the notes and find a showy pianist playing a catchy jazz number on a Yamaha.
‘You need a bit of a beat behind that, bud,’ Sticks says. Secretly he quite likes it. Zoot doesn’t come up with melodious arpeggios like this.
‘And perhaps a nice hat instead of that bandana?’ Bernie says. ‘Something with a brim. And a hat band. How about a Panama?’
‘I’m Sticks and he’s Bernie, by the way,’ Sticks says. ‘Other than hat advice, we might be able to help you out with some drums and bass.’
‘That’s what we do, bro,’ Sticks says. ‘I’m drums and he’s bass.’
‘Cool!’ Max says, surprised but pleased by the intrusion. ‘There’s a string bass in the closet and a set of drums.’
‘Seriously?’ Bernie says.
‘And a cupboard full of saxophones along with a trumpet or two,’ Max says.
‘Really?’ Bernie says. ‘All we need now is a chanteuse,’
‘I can be your chanteuse,’ says the beguiling woman in the wide-brimmed pink hat who seemingly appears out of nowhere. ‘I’m Ella Valée.’
‘I bet you are, babe’ Sticks says.
‘Very droll, Casanova. Ella Valée is my name. You may have seen me in High Tide. I play Liv Golden, the jazz singer.’
They begin to share stories about being picked up off the streets by hoodlums. Max Tempo and Ella Valée it transpires have been at the house for two days. They too were just dumped there. ‘Wait for developments,’ they were told and then left to their own devices. Both were a little frightened at first when they found the doors and windows barred. But, they discovered running water, food, electricity, musical instruments and even some recording equipment, not exactly state of the art but even so, serviceable. Certainly, a better state of affairs than you might expect after being abducted. They even found changes of clothes and toothbrushes. So, instead of thinking of escape, they settled in. There are no phones of course. The captors took away their mobiles. Max hopes that Belinda isn’t worrying too much but he imagines she will be and Ella, if she is honest, is glad of a break from her fiancé, Brad. Brad has become a bit serious of late, she feels, and she’s not sure she’s ready for that level of commitment.
‘Why do you think these geezers have brought us all here then?’ asks Bernie. ‘And who the fuck are they?’
‘Exploitation,’ Ella says. ‘They must think they are going to get something out of us. Some kind of performance or product.’
‘The music business is a more cut-throat game than it was back in the day, for sure’ Max says.
‘Agents in the music business all behave like gangsters these days,’ Sticks says. ‘Managers and promoters too. Crooks, the lot of them.’
‘But, the geezers who brought us here are a throwback to the fifties,’ Bernie says. ‘They are wide-boys, spivs, whatever you want to call them.’
‘Perhaps they have brought us all here to form some kind of retro band,’ Sticks says. ‘Apparently, vintage jazz is making a comeback. I read about it in Jazz Weekly. And they’re keeping us prisoner here to cut some tracks and make some money for them. That’s what I reckon.’
‘Bit of a longshot though,’ Ella says. ‘We’ve not even played together.’
‘But they would have seen you sing every week in High Tide,’ Bernie says. ‘So not completely a longshot. And clearly, they’ve seen Max play. And the dude’s damn good.’
‘I already have a band,’ Max says. ‘The Max Tempo Quintet. And we’re doing pretty well. We might even have a record deal. Clint Snider of CPS Recordings should be in touch any day now. Come to think of it, he was supposed to get back to me last week. I probably missed Clint’s call through being here.’
‘We’re in a jazz band too,’ Bernie says. ‘We’re the Zoot Norris Seven.’
‘Sorry, I don’t think I’ve heard of you,’ Max says.
‘I guess Zoot’s not that ambitious,’ Bernie says. ‘But we get gigs locally. The Nobody Inn and The Jolly Yachtsman last month. And we’ve had one or two good reviews.’
‘Hey! Look at the name on the bass drum,’ Sticks says. ‘Hat Band! It’s all beginning to make sense now.’
‘What?’ Max says.
‘Don’t you see, fellas?’ Sticks says. ‘Bernie is right. Those rogues are setting us up as Hat Band. What kind of name is that?’
‘Do you really think those bozos will make us a million?’ Frankie says.
‘Of course, Frankie,’ Duke says. ‘No doubt about it.’
‘It’s just that I’m not sure that many people watch High Tide so they may not know who Ella Valée is.’
‘You worry too much, Frankie.’
‘Also, I think that the pianist might be a fairy like that Elton whatshisname.’
‘It hasn’t done Elton whatshisname any harm, has it?’ Duke says. ‘Anyway, this is jazz we’re talking about. Jazz isn’t about image.’
‘I know that, Duke. Jazz is all about the music.’
‘And, fifties Jazz is going to be the next new thing, remember.’
‘I guess you are right, Duke. We are due a bit of good luck, aren’t we?’
‘Luck’s got nothing to do with it, Frankie. Certainly you have to be able to take advantage of a situation. But, it’s all to do with calculation and confidence. But, with a name like Hat Band, they can’t fail. …….. I wonder who the original Hat Band were.’
‘We’ll probably never know, will we? But it was dead lucky you came across that job lot of their instruments, Duke. By the way, how did you know that big old house on Dartmoor was empty and the owner was away in Japan?’
‘I keep my ears open, Frankie.’
‘The best bit was you coming up with the toy guns, though, They all really went for it. Scared the living shits out of them.’
‘Shall we finish our drinks and go back and see what they’ve got for us? They are bound to have got a number or two by now. We’ll tell them they need to have enough tunes for the album before we let them go. Got your gun, Frankie?’
© Chris Green 2017: All rights reserved
3 thoughts on “Hat Band”
This was so you, Chris! Mystery and quirkiness and music, all tumbled together. I wonder if they make their millions? Great tale
Thankyou Lynn. I have to say I was not sure about this one, as I don’t think I held enough information back so it is nice to know that you think it worked.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Always a tricky thing, knowing when to dripfeed the info, how much and how often. Nicely done there Chris 🙂