Little by Little by Chris Green It is said that everyone who looks into their family history will sooner or later discover a dark secret. Something they don’t wish to be aware of. There are inherent dangers in unearthing the past. You never know what you might find. Perhaps the past should be left … Continue reading Little by Little
Tag: humour
Suspicious Minds
Suspicious Minds by Chris Green The underlying premise behind conspiracy theories is that they are hiding the truth for dark, nefarious purposes. They might refer to the government, mainstream media, Russia, China, aliens, the CIA, the FBI, the BBC, Big Pharma, Big Ag, Big Tech, and/or more often than not, the Jews. But because you … Continue reading Suspicious Minds
ICKE
ICKE by Chris Green It was the summer I worked for the Parks Department. Tony and I had parked up our mowers in Cortina Drive, a quiet cul-de-sac in a residential area, a place where I reasoned, Nick Ford would not find us if he came to check. It had been a hot dry summer, … Continue reading ICKE
Basic Attraction
Basic Attraction by Chris Green When Eve pushes the cloakroom door shut, and with a rippling of her flame coloured dress, turns towards him, Dean knows he is in trouble. ‘I feel naughty today, Mr Jones,’ Eve says, rubbing her hand up her stockinged leg. ‘Don’t you think it’s time we got to know one … Continue reading Basic Attraction
RED
RED by Chris Green As soon as she walks in, Lucy can feel the tension. Fists clenched and a face like thunder, Ben’s demeanour is decidedly hostile. This does not bode well. He must have found out. She has been lucky so far, but it was probably only a question of when he would find … Continue reading RED
137- an odd space essay
137 – an odd space essay by Chris Green Victor Malpas and his associate Leon Dusk made a killing in the initial dot-com boom. While many others had been working on it, they were the ones who came up with the encryption required to make secure financial transactions on the internet a reality. At least … Continue reading 137- an odd space essay
Giselle
Giselle by Chris Green I am stuck at the Scott McKenzie lights when I notice the car in front of me is the same model and colour, a blue Mazda 3. Not too unusual, perhaps. It is a popular model. But this one looks too familiar. Before I can put my finger on what it … Continue reading Giselle
Office 87
Office 87 by Chris Green Fluffy and the Chargers may not be the worst band Guy Chapman has ever seen. That honour would surely go to The Sluggs, whose bid for the title was at Riot years ago. Not only could The Sluggs hardly play a note, they could hardly stand up. They were booed … Continue reading Office 87
Cars
Cars by Chris Green I haven’t seen one before and I certainly wouldn’t expect to see a motor like this parked around here. I do not recognise the badge and have to look it up on my phone, and even then it takes me a while to match the model. I discover it is a … Continue reading Cars
Can’t Write, Won’t Write
Can’t Write, Won’t Write by Chris Green The Conference Room is the largest space in the Resource Centre. Seated, it holds about forty, depending on how the tables are arranged. Around twenty attend our monthly Neighbourhood Coordination meetings. Susie Kew is the Community Liaison Officer for Camelot Housing, the largest housing association operating in Barbridge. … Continue reading Can’t Write, Won’t Write
Waiting for Doggo
Waiting for Doggo by Chris Green Marc Gospell was trying to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative, as his therapist, Lily Woke, had told him. Latch on to the affirmative and not mess with Mister in Between, she had said. It was not going well. He was struggling. On the occasions he managed to … Continue reading Waiting for Doggo
Curiosity KIlled the Cat
Curiosity Killed the Cat by Chris Green 1: We don’t get many calls on the landline. It could be Rachel. She hasn’t called today. I pause the episode of Curiosity Killed the Cat I am watching on Netflix to answer it, hoping it’s her. I can tell her about my progress on my new story … Continue reading Curiosity KIlled the Cat
No Windows
No Windows by Chris Green Pablo Picasso said, if I don’t have red paint, I use blue. You have to be able to adapt to changes of fortune. I did not plan my early retirement, but here I am on a Tuesday morning sitting in my recliner with a toasted teacake and a cup of … Continue reading No Windows
Nobody Home
Nobody Home by Chris Green I first met Floyd Singer when we moved to Darkbridge and I started at St Dominic's Junior School. This was a big move for my family and I did not know anyone there. Naturally, I was worried about how I was going to fit in at a strange new school … Continue reading Nobody Home
Domino Logic
Domino Logic by Chris Green ‘I am not Dirk Vandenberg,’ I say. ‘No one called Dirk Vandenberg lives here. There has never been anyone going by that name on this number.’ This is the eighth or ninth phone call for Dirk Vandenberg I have had on the landline this week. At first, I put the … Continue reading Domino Logic
Gone Fishing
Gone Fishing by Chris Green I have no recollection of how I arrived at this remote place or where it might be. I have lost my phone, and have no means of checking my location. I have trudged several miles through dense wild scrub. The only feature I have come across was an old pickup … Continue reading Gone Fishing
Colour
Colour – an unreliable memoir by Chris Green 1: When I was growing up, life was grey. It was not just that the suburban landscape was dull, or that life on the Bleak View estate was grim. These were minor details. Back then, everything was black and white. The sky was grey, clouds were grey, … Continue reading Colour
Escape to the Country
Escape to the Country by Chris Green Uncle Enzo is planning to buy a house in the south-west of England. He is tired of urban living and wants to retire to the country. Enzo is in his seventies and his mobility is not what it was, so I am down here to see what is … Continue reading Escape to the Country
Through a Glass Darkly
Through a Glass Darkly by Chris Green I find it odd that no one is in the library. It is Monday. The middle of the morning. You would expect it to be busy. It is the main library in Middleton, not just a branch. Here are no notices. The shelves are organised in an orderly … Continue reading Through a Glass Darkly
The Rhubarb of Doubt
The Rhubarb of Doubt by Chris Green I have nothing scheduled for the day and am just catching up on my Minecraft when Tara Vain pushes open the door to my office. I have my feet up on the desk and a blunt burning down in the ashtray. I was not expecting anyone. Since the … Continue reading The Rhubarb of Doubt
Dog Day Discs
Dog Day Discs by Chris Green I don’t know whose idea it was to come up with the ill-fated Dog Day Discs. I could have predicted the idea of someone picking their selection of the worst eight tunes of all time was never destined to be a winner. But G.O.O.D Radio went ahead with … Continue reading Dog Day Discs
Time Passages
Time Passages by Chris Green The past filters into your consciousness when your defences are down. It arrives surreptitiously at night. On waking, you find an episode from long ago waiting for your attention. Sometimes it is a fully formed memory, something you can easily relate to. Other times it comes shrouded in mystery, but … Continue reading Time Passages
Brown Sauce
Brown Sauce by Chris Green I offer no excuses. It was the third time in a month that I had crossed the border. There is no-one else I can blame for my arrest and subsequent detention. As I await my trial, I would like to be able to say I am remorseful or that she … Continue reading Brown Sauce
Just My Imagination
Just My Imagination by Chris Green There is a knock at the door. I am not expecting anyone. I do not get visitors these days. Since the misunderstanding, people tend to stay away. Even Donna has stopped calling. While I try to think who might be at the door, they knock again. Harder this time. … Continue reading Just My Imagination
Summer Sisters
Summer Sisters by Chris Green Sisters Claire and Lucy were born on the Summer Solstice, one year apart. They shared the same genes, the same upbringing and went to the same schools. Yet they were like chalk and cheese. Claire liked pressing flowers and playing with dolls. Lucy trashed Tonka toys and read Viz magazine. … Continue reading Summer Sisters
3:13 a.m.
3: 13 a.m. by Chris GreenNot so long ago, it was recognised that at 3:13 a.m. each morning, everyone heard something disturbing caused the heart to skip a beat. For some, the rogue sound was the tolling of a distant bell, for others a mournful foghorn, while yet others might hear an air-raid siren or … Continue reading 3:13 a.m.
The Heart of the Matter
The Heart of the Matter by Chris Green There is a brisk north-westerly and the clouds in the distance are building. I am trying to finish a painting for my upcoming exhibition at 137 Gallery before the rain sets in. I was surprised to be invited to exhibit as 137 usually features installations and video … Continue reading The Heart of the Matter
Ideas
IDEAS by Chris Green ‘The guy was a complete stranger,’ says Laura. ‘He just walked up to me and handed me the bag.’ ‘And you didn’t think to say what are you doing or who are you?’ says Matt. ‘There wasn’t time. It all happened so quickly. I was taken completely off guard.’ ‘And he … Continue reading Ideas
Dress
Dress by Chris Green I saw Doug Morales as someone you could rely on. He was a man of his word. He was a born organiser. His was a world of order. If Doug said he was going to do something, he would do it. If he said he was going to be somewhere, he … Continue reading Dress
The Feelgood Calendar
The Feelgood Calendar by Chris Green Charlie Feelgood awoke from a dream. He had been lost in a dark place on the outskirts of an unfamiliar town with tall shadowy buildings. He was driving a stolen car that he could not control properly. The brake and accelerator pedals had been switched and the steering wheel … Continue reading The Feelgood Calendar
Sex and Drugs and Rock-and-Roll
Sex and Drugs and Rock-and-Roll by Chris Green 1: The best things in life are three. At least Charlie Tooting thinks so. They are sex and drugs and rock-and-roll. Many others of his generation agree. After all, we are talking about the nineteen-seventies. Nineteen-seventy-three to be exact, and Charlie is twenty-two years old. It would … Continue reading Sex and Drugs and Rock-and-Roll
Bunny Boiler
Bunny Boiler by Chris Green I hadn’t seen Guy Manson for nearly twenty years, so to find him in front of me at the checkout at Sainsbury’s was a bolt out of the blue. When I had last seen him, he and Sadie were moving to the Medoc in France. They had inherited some land. … Continue reading Bunny Boiler
The Importance of Being Nearest
The Importance Of Being Nearest by Chris Green ‘Milk,’ I say. ‘Malted Milk.’ ‘In the cold compartment behind you,’ says Karim. ‘My mate Marmite,’ ‘On the shelf over there,’ ‘Maybe Mimi might make more marmalade,’ ‘What?’ says Karim. ‘Come on! I’ve got customers waiting.’ ‘Maureen may marry Marvin Monday morning,’ I say. ‘Mild mann … Continue reading The Importance of Being Nearest
Bob Marley’s Surfboard
Bob Marley’s Surfboard by Chris Green I don't have Bob Marley down as a surfer. To me, surfing conjures up images of blond hair, VW campers, and The Beach Boys. Although I have never been to Jamaica, it is hard to imagine the tough Trenchtown environment Bob grew up in would have offered many opportunities … Continue reading Bob Marley’s Surfboard
Lost in Space
Lost in Space by Chris Green When it was just keeping up with social media and a bit of casual surfing, it was manageable. But since the gambling and online dating kicked in, it has become uncontrollable. I’m spending too much time on the internet. Every time I find myself with a spare moment, I’m … Continue reading Lost in Space
Could Have Tripped Out Easy
Could Have Tripped Out Easy by Chris Green July 1966: Sunny Afternoon We are in the midst of a heatwave, there are smiles on people’s faces and Sunny Afternoon is Number One. It seems that the gloom and austerity of the post-war years, which in my nineteen years is all I have known, have finally … Continue reading Could Have Tripped Out Easy
Mojo
Mojo by Chris Green 1: Dan Lomax has lost his mojo. He woke up one morning, and it was gone. A mojo, of course, is a magical or supernatural quality that attracts people to you and makes you successful and full of energy, sometimes represented by a good luck charm. But to see it in … Continue reading Mojo
Tail
Tail by Chris Green It can be difficult to know if you are being tailed, especially if the car behind you is grey. So many cars these days are grey, and designs are all very similar. Perhaps none of them blends in as easily as a VW Tiguan. This model is so inconspicuous, it has … Continue reading Tail
Out of Time
Out Of Time by Chris Green The moment Kimberley steps into the refreshment room, she knows something is wrong. Railway station cafés should be a hub of activity in the morning. This one is deathly quiet. It is almost empty. There are five people and each is seated at a separate table, staring blankly into … Continue reading Out of Time
Mood Indigo
Mood Indigo by Chris Green I am out in the back, struggling over a spreadsheet, when I hear the bell ring. I cannot see the woman who has come into the shop, but it appears she can see me. ‘Have you got Soul Junction by Red Garland?’ she calls out. ‘If I have, it’ll be … Continue reading Mood Indigo
Odds
Odds by Chris Green Having worked at BiggerBet, Eddie Lovett knows his way around odds. Eddie knows, for instance, the bookmakers’ odds of Bournemouth winning the Premier League are 1,000 to 1. The mathematical odds of being dealt a Straight Flush at five-card Draw Poker are 72,192 to 1. The odds of winning the jackpot … Continue reading Odds
On the Origin of On the Origin of Species
On the Origin of On The Origin of Species by Chris Green The port of Falmouth boasts a rich maritime history. It has all the right features for seafaring. The River Fal has a wide estuary and Falmouth has the deepest natural harbour in Europe. It was turned from a sleepy village where Cornish fishermen … Continue reading On the Origin of On the Origin of Species
Hunky Dory
Hunky Dory by Chris Green Writers of self-help books are fond of telling you that life always offers you a second chance, it is called tomorrow. This is all very well. It’s something you can look forward to. But what if you could have your second chance yesterday? This would mean that you still had … Continue reading Hunky Dory
South
SOUTH by Chris Green On occasions, just for a moment, everything seems in place. For this brief spell of time, a supernatural force seems to be at work. There is equilibrium in the universe. It might be referred to by some as an epiphany, an insight through the divine. Here at the top of the … Continue reading South
Balaclava
Balaclava by Chris Green The coach has just left the bus station. We are waiting at the lights when, through the back window, I catch a glimpse of a man in a balaclava, running through the crowd. He is waving a handgun around. He shouts out something. He fires shots indiscriminately at the passengers … Continue reading Balaclava
Deus Ex Machina
Deus Ex Machina by Chris Green 1: I’m not sure what sparked my interest in subliminal messages in songs. I was aware of the Paul McCartney is dead scam from the 1960s, but this was about it. The claim was that Paul was killed in a car crash in 1966 and replaced by a lookalike. … Continue reading Deus Ex Machina
Blonde on Blonde
Blonde on Blonde by Chris Green How many roads must a man walk down, Dylan Song wonders? He has been trudging around the streets of Dalmouth for ages, yet he still can’t find the café where he is due to meet Frankie Lee. This is his fourth time around the shopping centre. His going round … Continue reading Blonde on Blonde
Philanderer
Philanderer by Chris Green I have lived in the same town most of my life, yet I almost never bump into anyone from my past. This is surely beyond the realms of coincidence. I remarked on this to Suzi only this morning. She maintained we often come across people I know, but could not come … Continue reading Philanderer
Famous for Fourteen Minutes
Famous for Fourteen Minutes by Chris Green You will be familiar with Andy Warhol’s aphorism from the nineteen-sixties that in the future, everyone would be world-famous for fifteen minutes. A bold statement for sure, but with the spread of celebrity culture that has since ensued, you might be tempted to say, quite a prophetic one. … Continue reading Famous for Fourteen Minutes
Andromeda Dreaming
Andromeda Dreaming by Chris Green It was a warm Wednesday in September. I was walking the dog in St Peter’s Park. I spotted Tristan Dev on a seat eating his lunch. Tristan could tell straight away from my demeanour that I was feeling a little below par, and he asked me what was wrong. I … Continue reading Andromeda Dreaming
Trust
Trust by Chris Green Following the split with his long-term partner, Darci, Nick Parks feels at a loose end. He cannot face the idea of singles nights and has heard nothing but horror stories about dating agencies. He does not want to go down to The Gordon Bennett to be asked where’s Darci, or be … Continue reading Trust
Google Knows
Google Knows by Chris Green ‘You may have a point with what you were saying last week,’ Max says. ‘Every time I search for something online, I get adverts for products vaguely related to it for days. Nine times out of ten, I didn’t even want whatever it was in the first place.’ ‘Frightening, isn’t … Continue reading Google Knows
Curiosity
Curiosity by Chris Green I am reading Curiosity Killed the Cat by Phillip C Dark which I bought at the PDSA charity shop. In the novel, people become human mood rings. They have implants that make them change colour according to their mood. Advertisements appear randomly in the air in front of them. Getting media … Continue reading Curiosity
The Real History of the Internet
The Real History Of The Internet by Chris Green The Internet was invented by Pablo Gonzales in 1492. There are competing claims to the technology behind it, but Pablo was the one who established the Internet protocol suite (IPS). You may have seen pictures of the early personal computers but in case you have not, … Continue reading The Real History of the Internet
Fugue
Fugue by Chris Green 1: Someone is standing over me and staring, a weird sensation when you are dead. Perhaps it’s a big leap, but does it suggest I may have survived the accident after all? Given that as far as I can recall, a vehicle travelling at considerable speed hit me head-on, this seems … Continue reading Fugue
Invisible Men
Invisible Men by Chris Green ‘You can call me Fritz,’ he says. Why Fritz? I wonder. He does not look German. He is skinny, dark-skinned and has crusty dreadlocks. He has a scar running the length of his cheek. He clearly has no intention of engaging in unnecessary conversation. I had become accustomed to Zoot. … Continue reading Invisible Men
Travel by Train
Travel by Train by Chris Green I have never taken much notice of the station at Nevermore. In my experience, the train always passes through it without stopping. Nevermore appears to be a place of little significance. It has no Wikipedia page and is difficult to find on the map. All I have ever registered … Continue reading Travel by Train
GUN
GUN by Chris Green Gary Bilk works as a tyre technician in Camborne, an old mining town in Cornwall. Most evenings after work, he picks up his girlfriend, Suzi Foxx from outside HairCraft salon and takes her to The Cock Inn. They have a bite to eat, play pool, darts or dominoes and chat with … Continue reading GUN
Strike While the Iron is Hot
Strike While The Iron Is Hot by Chris Green She has fought against it for too long. If she doesn’t do it now, she never will. What is so difficult about telling Dirk he has to leave? Each time that her friend Marie has said; you’ve got to do it, Donna, she has said; it’s … Continue reading Strike While the Iron is Hot
The Start of Something Big
The Start of Something Big by Chris Green ‘There was no before the beginning of the universe, because once upon a time, there was no time. Big bang or no big bang, it makes no difference. Even if God created everything, the argument still stands. There, that solves that one, Vincent. That will save years … Continue reading The Start of Something Big
PROG
PROG by Chris Green I hadn’t seen Nick for many years when he got in touch with me on Facebook. My name, Chance DeVille, is of course so unusual that if someone were trying to look me up, I would not be hard to find. Few people had taken the trouble to look me up, … Continue reading PROG
Call Wyatt on the Western Front
Call Wyatt On The Western Front by Chris Green Penny hits the button on the bedside clock. 4:33 AM. We’re hardly going to get up and answer the door at this unearthly hour, she thinks. No matter what is going on. She tries to drift back off, but again the doorbell rings. She turns over to … Continue reading Call Wyatt on the Western Front
Rain Check
Rain Check by Chris Green It was clear from the start that Rain was a little strange. Certainly, her name was unusual, but even before she introduced herself, something about her struck me as kooky. In the nicest possible way. Perhaps she thought the same about me. Perhaps I struck her as odd. Who knows … Continue reading Rain Check
Sophie’s Choice
Sophie’s Choice by Chris Green I haven’t seen Sophie for years. Not since she moved up north. So, I am surprised to find her in the wines and spirits aisle in my local Tesco. She is looking at the Sauvignon Blanc range. This was always her favourite tipple. I would always go for Italian red. … Continue reading Sophie’s Choice
One-Eyed Jack
One-Eyed Jack by Chris Green Most people associate the name, Jack Dempsey with Boxing. He was the undisputed World Heavyweight champion from 1919 to 1926. He was a legendary puncher and won most of his fights by a knockout. Few fighters in history have been so feared. But I will always think of Jack Dempsey … Continue reading One-Eyed Jack
The Cat’s Tale
The Cat’s Tale by Chris Green Where’s the cat, Zack wonders? And what is that enormous snake doing in here? The snake curled up in the corner of the room appears completely out of context and instantly intimidating. Zack is terrified. Keeping a safe distance from the beast, he googles big fat yellow snake on … Continue reading The Cat’s Tale
Summer Time
Summer Time by Chris Green It was already the middle of July. Only a few moments ago it seemed it was June, or May even. The Bank Holiday Mondays, the Chelsea Flower Show, Royal Ascot, Summer Solstice, Glastonbury, Wimbledon and the British Grand Prix had come and gone like thieves in the night. In quick … Continue reading Summer Time
Travelling Light
Travelling Light by Chris Green It didn’t work out at first. Things often don’t the first time you try them. Suzi and I only got into it because Milo and Clover gave it the hard sell. It was simple, they told us. ‘You just lay down, close your eyes, relax your muscles, channel your thoughts, … Continue reading Travelling Light
Small Island
Small Island by Chris Green I am walking our cocker spaniel, Trevor on Gold Dust Hill when we come across the stranger. Trevor spots him first. He is very sensitive to changes in his surroundings. We get a few hill walkers around these parts, so at first I imagine the shadowy figure in the distance … Continue reading Small Island
Cover Story
Cover Story by Chris Green A vermilion memo is circulating at the research establishment, one down from red. Red means evacuate. Tension levels are rising. I am glad it is time for my shift to end. Although I keep my head down at work, I have suspected for a long time something weird is going … Continue reading Cover Story
Blues Harp
Blues Harp by Chris Green Man Eats Goldfish at County Fair, the headline poster outside the newsagents says. At first, I assume this must refer to a report in the local paper. A light-hearted line to draw you in and get you to buy the paper. Lord knows The West Country Gazette needs all the … Continue reading Blues Harp
Such Stuff
Such Stuff by Chris Green When I read the news about traces of cannabis being found in clay pipes from William Shakespeare’s garden, I was surprised, but then again, not too surprised. After all, many literary figures have been known to use drugs, Wordsworth and Coleridge for instance. Shelley and Byron too had famously indulged, … Continue reading Such Stuff
The Continuing Story of Wet Blanket Ron – Part 8
The Continuing Story of Wet Blanket Ron - Part Eight by Chris Green 1: When Picasso said everything you can imagine is real, he was presumably referring to his art. But could this also be the starting point for fiction? How else can we build a believable world out of something that doesn’t exist? How … Continue reading The Continuing Story of Wet Blanket Ron – Part 8
Walking the Dog
Walking The Dog by Chris Green Ellie and I often see Dog Walking Man passing our front window with his bull terrier. He has a ruddy face, wears his hair short and has a look of determination. Whatever the time of year, he wears the same white zip-up jacket, black Adidas pants and brown boots … Continue reading Walking the Dog
Call Me Lottie
Call Me Lottie – by Chris Green LOTTIE 'Pale blinds, drawn all day, I'm afraid,' says Landon Truitt. 'Upstairs and down.' 'I remember getting those blinds fitted,' I say. 'Local fellow. He called himself The Blind Man, which at the time I thought was amusing.' 'The Blind Man. Good name. Very droll, Mrs Crenshaw.' 'Lottie. … Continue reading Call Me Lottie
NIGHT
NIGHT by Chris Green In the middle of the night, Hank hears voices. He is not sure if this is the chatter of revellers coming home from the clubs blown in on the wind, or if Mrs Oosterhuis has left her television on. Alongside this, there is the noise from the night workers laying the … Continue reading NIGHT
Ceci n’est pas Une Batte
Ceçi n’est pas une batte by Chris Green Not many people realise that the surrealist painter, René Magritte was a big fan of English cricket. He discovered cricket by accident in a newspaper article in the 1930s. Although he had a reasonable command of English, the unfamiliar language baffled him. Innings, runs, overs, wickets, stumps, … Continue reading Ceci n’est pas Une Batte
Trout Fishing
Trout Fishing by Chris Green FRIDAY ‘Sunsets on Mars are blue,’ says the man’s voice coming from behind her. It is too loud for her to ignore. Suzy turns around to see a stranger in a badly creased seersucker suit has sat down at the next table. He is alone. Is he talking to her … Continue reading Trout Fishing
Snow
Snow by Chris Green ‘It’s getting very cold. I wonder if it’s going to snow,’ the text message reads. It’s an odd message and I do not recognise the number. But to get into the spirit of things I reply, ‘It’s only August.’ This appears to strike a chord because immediately I get a reply … Continue reading Snow
‘e’
‘e’ by Chris Green There is not a lot to do in Builth Wells when the weather is wet. Wales is, of course, famous for its damp climate. But this year was exceptional. April had been a washout, and now May looked like breaking all records. Ifan Griffiths was unsettled by it. With all … Continue reading ‘e’
Waterfalls
Waterfalls by Chris Green 1: Through thick and thin, Barney Cisco has followed Bristol City's fortunes, travelling up and down the country in all winds and weathers to watch his team play. He has been able to finance his fanatical support through a lucrative stall at Compton Regis market selling cheap foreign mattresses at inflated … Continue reading Waterfalls
Silent Trumpet
Silent Trumpet by Chris Green 1: Quincy Saxx introduces himself at a Free Eva Morales rally. I have not met him before, so I am puzzled that he appears to know me. He laughs and says that everybody knows Cliff Rhodes. The thing is, I am not Cliff Rhodes, nor am I Jordan Castle who … Continue reading Silent Trumpet
Best Kept Secret
Best Kept Secret by Chris Green ‘Van Morrison wanted to be a vet,’ the man says. ‘Who?’ says the girl, not looking up from the book she is reading. ‘Van Morrison, you know. Brown Eyed Girl, Bright Side Of The Road.’ ‘Oh! Him!’ the girl says, hoping this will put an end to the conversation. … Continue reading Best Kept Secret
Mario and Lorelei
Mario and Lorelei by Chris Green Lorelei Love possesses a rare talent. She knows that things are going to happen before they do. As a result of her premonitory powers, Lorelei’s life has been alternately comforting or frightening, depending on what is scheduled to happen. Unfortunately knowing something is going to occur does not give … Continue reading Mario and Lorelei
A Blacker Shade of Blue
A Blacker Shade of Blue by Chris Green Tiffany Blue wonders why she is so unhappy. If all the things she is doing are so good for her, she should be in seventh heaven. She gets up at five each morning and does a half an hour’s Tai Chi before her bowl of wholegrain cereal … Continue reading A Blacker Shade of Blue
Harry and Kate
Harry and Kate by Chris Green Black cats are supposed to be lucky, aren’t they? Harry Regis thinks so. What he doesn’t realise is that in many cultures, black cats are seen as an evil omen. Most of Europe, for instance, considers the black cat to be unlucky, a harbinger of doom. Fortunate then that … Continue reading Harry and Kate
Holiday
Holiday by Chris Green Lastminuteholidays.com did not actually specify that Sea View had a view of the sea, but there again, it did not say that it didn’t. The default position, you would have thought, was that it did, especially as there were pictures of the waves rolling in on a clear sandy beach in … Continue reading Holiday
Puff the Magic Dragon
Puff the Magic Dragon by Chris Green Before he met Prism, John Straight seemed destined for success. He had a Degree in Business Management from a top university, a big black BMW with bull bars and he was willing to travel. In a word, John’s future looked rosy. He was the son of Sir James … Continue reading Puff the Magic Dragon
Pulp Friction
Pulp Friction by Chris Green Nancy fancies Tafelspitz and I haven’t had Wiener Schnitzel for a long time, so we are going to treat ourselves. Things have been a little fraught since our Schnauzer, Max had to be put to rest. Respiratory disease, very sad at the end. Max was more than just the family … Continue reading Pulp Friction
Listening Centre
Listening Centre by Chris Green Sandwich Man walks past our house at five to six every evening, just before the end of Pointless on television. He passes on his way home from the listening centre where he works. From the back entrance of the base, Cheltenham Close offers a short cut to Connery Way and … Continue reading Listening Centre
Where Have All the Flowers Gone?
Where Have All the Flowers Gone? by Chris Green Always something of a wild man, Danny Rocco isn’t the type you would expect to find at a Ludovico Einaudi recital. But the main reason that Danny’s being at the Einaudi concert is unlikely is that Danny Rocco is dead. He met his maker three years … Continue reading Where Have All the Flowers Gone?
It Ain’t Necessarily So
It Ain’t Necessarily So by Chris Green Man Eats Goldfish at County Fair, the headline poster outside the newsagents says. At first, I assume this must refer to a report in the local paper. A light-hearted line to draw you in and get you to buy the paper. Lord knows The West Country Gazette needs … Continue reading It Ain’t Necessarily So
The Life and Times of Roy Saxx
The Life and Times of Roy Saxx by Chris Green I'd better start at the end. Roy Saxx is dead. He met his maker in September 2011 when he lost control of his Triumph motorcycle on a blind bend in a freak thunderstorm near the aptly named village of Kilve in the Quantock Hills. He … Continue reading The Life and Times of Roy Saxx
The Pugilist
The Pugilist by Chris Green I’m certain I logged out last night and shut the laptop down. It’s something I am in the habit of doing as a cautionary measure. This morning, to my utter astonishment, there’s a new document open on the screen, three thousand words give or take. It’s titled The Pugilist. It … Continue reading The Pugilist
A Saucerful of Secrets
A Saucerful of Secrets by Chris Green Having missed the campus coach to the free concert in Hyde Park, Mojo, Lenny and I were in Spike’s flat listening to the new Pink Floyd album, A Saucerful of Secrets. Spike had gone off to buy hash. Supplies had been getting low. Afghani Black, he said he … Continue reading A Saucerful of Secrets
Watership Down
WATERSHIP DOWN - a cautionary tale by Chris Green ‘I’m round at Margot’s and her computer isn’t working, Adam,’ Suzy says. ‘We thought you might be able to help.’ ‘Ask her if she has hit the any key again,’ I say. ‘She says she doesn’t know which key the any key is,’ Suzy says. ‘Oh! … Continue reading Watership Down
O Sole Mio
O Sole Mio by Chris Green Sophie and I wonder why, at around the same time every Saturday evening, the ice-cream van makes its way up the Close. At about seven-thirty, we hear twenty seconds of O Sole Mio as the van comes around the corner. The initial chime is followed by another ten-second burst … Continue reading O Sole Mio
Dog Gone
Dog Gone by Chris Green It is Friday evening. Zoot has gone out with his friends and Stacey and I have the house to ourselves. Outside there is the persistent drizzle you often get at the end of a working week when you’d like to go for a walk on the hill. Not that we … Continue reading Dog Gone
Invisibility
INVISIBILITY by Chris Green I discovered I could make people invisible. I found out by accident when I was working at the Ministry of Science and Technology. The Board refused to believe my evidence and summarily dismissed me. They could not see what was staring them in the face, or in this case not. They … Continue reading Invisibility
South by Southwest
South by Southwest by Chris Green I have been sitting around the house all winter waiting for the call. I have been waiting so long that I have had time to set up a profitable giclée printing business. ‘Just be ready,’ I was told. That was last October. I have frequently wondered whether the phone … Continue reading South by Southwest
Slumpton 1980
Slumpton 1980 by Chris Green The door to number 16 slammed in Harry’s face, as it had more times than Harry cared to remember. Its split green and orange panels were all too familiar. Familiar too were the plywood and chicken wire that was nailed over the space where the window had once been. The … Continue reading Slumpton 1980
Bad Karma
Bad Karma by Chris Green Eight million pounds give or take, Des Hattersley’s Lotto win set him up with a life of leisure. Being single with no family or close friends to speak of, Des did not have to share his winnings. His new found wealth enabled him to give up his position as a … Continue reading Bad Karma
YODEL
Yodel by Chris Green I took up yodelling to fight depression. I had lost my job at the packaging plant and Laura had left me. Everything came tumbling down. Each day seemed blacker than the one before. I felt unable to cope, couldn’t see any point in carrying on. I began to think of how … Continue reading YODEL
Phone BIll
Phone Bill by Chris Green I read somewhere that over half of all the people in the world have never received a telephone call. Sometimes I wish I was one of these. The phone should be a comfort but it can also be a curse. Unwanted calls can outnumber the ones from family and … Continue reading Phone BIll
You Never Can Tell
You Never Can Tell by Chris Green Annie and I are sitting in a café called Lemon Jelli sipping peppermint tea. The space is laid out to look like a continental bar with comfortable seating and 1930s French travel posters on the wall. We have come to Newton Abbot for the market. Annie is shopping … Continue reading You Never Can Tell
A.M.
A.M. by Chris Green Why am I awake? It’s 2:38 a.m. and it really doesn’t matter where San Anselmo is. But I have the song in my head, Snow in San Anselmo. Going around and around. My brain won’t let it go. I don’t have Van Morrison down as a skier so perhaps he’s referring … Continue reading A.M.
The Schrödingers’ Cat
The Schrödingers’ Cat by Chris Green Each, evening, Mr and Mrs Schödinger liked to walk their salt and pepper schnauzer, Ernst along the Promenade. Mrs Schrödinger would take the opportunity to window-shop in the fashion boutiques while Mr Schrödinger used the time to fantasise about what he would like to do to Hermione Shakespeare in … Continue reading The Schrödingers’ Cat
The Continuing Story of Wet Blanket Ron – Part Seven
The Continuing Story of Wet Blanket Ron – Part Seven by Chris Green As many of you will be aware, Wet Blanket Ron started life as one of my fictional creations, based originally on someone called Dale Loveless, a ne’er-do-well of my acquaintance. This, of course, was just a starting point for the character. In … Continue reading The Continuing Story of Wet Blanket Ron – Part Seven
No Elle
No Elle by Chris Green Not wishing to start the day just yet, I listen to the springtime chirping of the birds outside the window while I piece together the events of last night. The concrete that seems to be lining my head suggests to me I had a fair bit to drink. I remember … Continue reading No Elle
MUSHROOMS
Mushrooms by Chris Green The cows that were in the lower field yesterday evening have gone. Perhaps they have been moved up into the top field behind the trees. I eat my breakfast on the patio, bacon, fried egg and freshly picked mushrooms with a pot of Horniman’s tea. I look out for the buzzards … Continue reading MUSHROOMS
The Continuing Story of Wet Blanket Ron – Part Six
The Continuing Story of Wet Blanket Ron – Part Six by Chris Green The fat lady is not yet singing. Wet Blanket Ron wonders if there is then still time for a reprieve. A final act? A happy ending in this long and drawn out saga? He has been at the mercy of his heartless … Continue reading The Continuing Story of Wet Blanket Ron – Part Six
Earworm
Earworm by Chris Green I wake up for the third morning in a row with the chorus of Dominique going round in my head. I don’t understand where this can have come from. I have not heard The Singing Nun’s tiresome tune for fifty years. You have probably never heard The Singing Nun in which … Continue reading Earworm
Ed
Ed by Chris Green It came in with the cat a fortnight ago last Tuesday. I was holding the back door open for Tiggy when in it darted. I couldn't get rid of it. It made itself well and truly at home. It seemed to consider itself the new household pet. I wouldn't have thought … Continue reading Ed
Three Sides to Every Story
Three Sides to Every Story by Chris Green 1: I don’t know about you but I know when I am being watched. I get a prickly sensation on my skin and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. This, along with a heightened sense of alert. The phenomenon has a name, scopaesthesia. … Continue reading Three Sides to Every Story
Be Here Now
Be Here Now by Chris Green 1: 'I recommend you listen to two hours of Einaudi each evening,' says Dr Hopper. 'His soft piano music is perfect for quiet contemplation. You will notice a remarkable improvement in just a few days.' 'Two hours of Einaudi?' I repeat. 'But I like listening to experimental jazz on … Continue reading Be Here Now
SOMEONE LEFT THE CAKE OUT IN THE RAIN – Making Sense of Sixties Songs
SOMEONE LEFT THE CAKE OUT IN THE RAIN – Making Sense of Sixties Songs by Chris Green BUS STOP The number 22 bus is late. As I stand there waiting, I find the song, Bus Stop by The Hollies running through my head. Call me anal but I now want to try to understand the … Continue reading SOMEONE LEFT THE CAKE OUT IN THE RAIN – Making Sense of Sixties Songs
Marzipan Imbroglio
Marzipan Imbroglio by Chris Green When I read the post on Facebook that striker, Gary Trevor has signed for Mars United FC for a record £300 million, my first reaction is, oh yeah, sure. I run it straight through the bullshit detector on my browser, expecting it to confirm it as a fake news story, … Continue reading Marzipan Imbroglio
The Continuing Story of Wet Blanket Ron – Part 5
The Continuing Story of Wet Blanket Ron – Part 5 by Chris Green DALE 'Dale Loveless! What are you doing here?' says Annette Lard. 'Everyone thinks you are dead. Even that guy that writes the stories about you thinks you are dead. You know, the one that writes the Wet Blanket Ron stories. I can't … Continue reading The Continuing Story of Wet Blanket Ron – Part 5
The Sadness of the Post-Truth Pianist
The Sadness of the Post-Truth Pianist by Chris Green You don’t hear Mozart a lot on the radio these days. While his music isn’t officially banned like that of Beethoven and Bach, playing it is strongly discouraged. You can no longer buy decadent European music in the shops. No Fauré, No Debussy, no Chopin and … Continue reading The Sadness of the Post-Truth Pianist
QUINCE
QUINCE by Chris Green Giles Riddler tells me the quince tree blossoming in the front garden was the deciding factor in them buying the house. Had it not been for the quince tree, the Briggs and Mortimer board outside the 1930s semi-detached villa in Heisenberg Avenue might have gone unnoticed. Giles and Audrey apparently were … Continue reading QUINCE
The Jolly Yachtsman – a Trip Advisor review
The Jolly Yachtsman – a Trip Advisor review by Chris Green Our intention had been to eat at the Ancient Mariner Inn, but parking the motor-home proved to be tricky. After I had scagged the bumper of a black Lexus, and broken the camper's reversing light, I gave up and drove down the hill to … Continue reading The Jolly Yachtsman – a Trip Advisor review
Cats and Dogs
Cats and Dogs by Chris Green It hasn't been a good Spring. I have spent most of it listening to birdsong on Birdsong FM because there hasn't been any birdsong in the garden. Every week when Sophie and I tune in to CountryWatch, they go on about global warming. March was the hottest on record … Continue reading Cats and Dogs
MISSING
Missing by Chris Green Not wishing to start the day just yet, I listen to the springtime chirping of the birds outside the window while I piece together the events of last night. The concrete that seems to be lining my head lets me know I had a fair bit to drink. I got in … Continue reading MISSING
ABRACADABRA
Abracadabra by Chris Green I have just pulled into the DIY superstore car park when I catch a snatch of Abracadabra on the new radio station I have found. Blitz plays nothing but rock, which is fine, as none of the other stations will touch it. I have not heard The Steve Miller Band for … Continue reading ABRACADABRA
Across The Universe
Across The Universe by Chris Green There has been a secret underground line in the south of England for years. It can be accessed through a network of tunnels originating from the basement of a former Turkish dry-cleaners in Dulwich. The line runs for sixty miles deep underneath the Weald to the coast near Newhaven. … Continue reading Across The Universe
The Continuing Story of Wet Blanket Ron – Part Three
The Continuing Story Of Wet Blanket Ron – Part Three by Chris Green In his nineteen years on the force Sergeant Crooner has happened upon many strange scenarios. If he has learnt one thing from police work though, it is when something seems amiss there is usually a rational explanation. Cause and effect, action and … Continue reading The Continuing Story of Wet Blanket Ron – Part Three
The Life and Times of Chadwick Dial
The Life and Times of Chadwick Dial by Chris Green 'It's him,' screamed Eve. 'It's Chadwick Dial. Look!' Eve Laszlo and I were aboard a coach on its way to Bath. We were going to see a new band called Oasis play at the Bath Pavilion. We had stopped off at Stroud to pick up … Continue reading The Life and Times of Chadwick Dial
Where’s Your Car, Debbie?
Where's Your Car Debbie? by Chris Green 'Where's your car, Debbie …... Debbie where's your car,' screams a cracked voice. There is an air of desperation about it. It is coming from some distance away. It sounds like it is coming over a PA system in the park. As we approach, Betty and I notice … Continue reading Where’s Your Car, Debbie?
The Continuing Story Of Wet Blanket Ron – Part Two
The Continuing Story Of Wet Blanket Ron – Part Two by Chris Green I can hear a phone, one of the emergency ones I keep in my office drawer. Each has an individual ring tone, but I've lost track of which ring tone is for which client. It seemed a good idea, at first, when … Continue reading The Continuing Story Of Wet Blanket Ron – Part Two
Slow
Slow by Chris Green I am sitting in my comfy high-backed chair with a nice milky cup of tea and a plate of Waitrose custard creams. I don't always shop at Waitrose because it is a bit expensive, and anyway, Goodbuy is nearer, but I like to get a few nice things when I can. … Continue reading Slow
Diamond White
Diamond White by Chris Green Every night Natalie would come back home from St. Saviour's Hospital, where she was an orthopaedic nurse, to find Shaun slumped in a chair in front of the television, watching darts. More often than not, Shaun's friends, Bernie, Mac and Tosser would be there too, shouting their crude encouragement to … Continue reading Diamond White
A Change is as Good as a Rest
A Change is as Good as a Rest by Chris Green 'I recommend you listen to two hours of Einaudi each evening,' said Dr Hopper. 'His soft piano music is perfect for quiet contemplation. You will notice a remarkable improvement in just a few days.' 'Two hours of Einaudi,' I repeated. I had explained to … Continue reading A Change is as Good as a Rest
Cotswold Life
Cotswold Life by Chris Green I hadn't seen Ron for many years when he got in touch with me on Facebook. My name, Chance DeVille, was of course so unusual that if someone were trying to look me up I would not be hard to find. Not many people had taken the trouble to, so … Continue reading Cotswold Life
Chris Green Stories 