A Blacker Shade of Blue by Chris Green
Cyan Blue wonders why she is so unhappy. If all the things she is doing are so good for her, she should be in seventh heaven. She gets up at five every morning and does a half an hour’s Tai Chi, before her bowl of whole grain cereal with goji berries and manuka honey. She has a healthy outdoor job working with wildlife. She practices yoga, in fact when her friend Indigo is busy, she runs the class for her.
Cyan meditates to a CD with sounds of running water. Her apartment is awash with aloe vera plants to purify the air. She works out at the gym and she takes a veritable orchestra of vitamins and supplements. She cycles everywhere, well nearly everywhere. When she does take the car, she listens to soothing music, Einaudi, Eno or Enya. She never drinks alcohol. She sees Moon two or three times a week. He buys her flowers and they make love tenderly. They go to Inter Faith services on a Sunday. But still she feels her life is empty. Something is missing.
Growing up in Brixton, Jeremy (Jet) Black was beaten up constantly by his big brother, Brad, and he, in turn, hammered his little brother Harry. It was a dog eat dog world where petty crime graduated easily to serious crime. Hierarchies were decided by length of prison sentences. Jet moved swiftly up the hierarchy as he always seemed to be the one who got caught. Since he was sixteen Jet has spent roughly half his life banged up. He is thirty two.
Since his last spell in prison, a two year stretch in Belmarsh for aggravated burglary, Jet has made the decision to go straight. He is tired of the predictable pattern his life has followed, the vicious cycle of get banged up, do his bird, get released, share ideas he learned inside with his crim mates, commit new crimes, get away with things for a bit, get grassed up by one of his crim mates who has already been caught, get nicked, and go back inside. He wants to turn his life around. He is going to avoid The Black Horse and The White Lion and give BetterBet a wide berth. And, he is not going to take back up with Tracey. He can’t forgive her for what she said to the police the last time he was arrested. He hadn’t laid a finger on her and there he was facing an extra charge of assault. He might otherwise have got away with eighteen months. Now that he is out, he has also decided to stop taking drugs. He has even stopped listening to rap music.
Jet has got himself a part time job at the community centre. At the moment, it is a voluntary position, but Adey, the guy with the pony tail who runs the place, says that if he does a good job there might be an opening. Through a prisoner rehabilitation scheme he has secured a studio apartment in the converted warehouse by the plastics factory. He has started to paint the place with some paint he was given and has discovered a flair for colour. Under the scheme he has also been able to get free items from the furniture project. The bed is a bit rickety and the settee has a few rips, but they will do for now. The microwave works, and that is the main thing. He has been to the animal shelter and got a rescue dog to keep him company, a black and white collie-retriever cross called Bono. He cannot yet afford to join a gym but he has enrolled in a free yoga class. He is not quite sure what yoga is, but he has heard it is very good for you. He has been to one session and although he found it a bit of a struggle he is determined to persevere.
Cyan feels it might help her state of mind if she tried out new things. She needs some excitement to break up the relentless ennui of new age austerity. Something a little reckless, something dangerous, something wild and edgy. She is showing Moon the programme of headline acts for a hard rock festival. Moon is hesitant. He does not like the idea of hard or rock and together, what on earth is she thinking?
‘You don’t really want to go to this, do you?’ he says. ‘AC/DC are very loud, you know. And Anvil Of Doom. I don’t like the sound of them.’
‘You only live once,’ says Cyan. ‘Let’s get out there and do something to show we’re still alive.’
‘But it’s all so unwholesome,’ says Moon. ‘We’d be camping out in a muddy field with hordes of degenerate space cadets and filthy grebos.’
‘Not everyone who goes to a festival is a drug addict, Moon’ says Cyan.
‘Grim Reaper. Angel Corpse. Do you really want to see bands with names like that?’ says Moon.
‘I imagine there are all kinds of new age activities at festivals,’ says Cyan. ‘Look! It says here. They’ve got necromancy, neopaganism, tarot divination, and past life regression workshops. And they have a tattoo parlour. I could get some done. They have everything at festivals. The music’s probably just an added extra at festivals these days.’
‘I’m really not sure about the tattoo idea,’ says Moon.
‘I could have a rose tattooed on my bottom. How about that? I think you’d like that,’ says Cyan.
‘OK. You win. We’ll give it a go,’ says Moon. ‘But can we go on the Saturday, because I don’t want to miss our crystal reading class on Friday.’
‘I think we could give crystal reading a miss for once,’ says Cyan. ‘I haven’t got room for any more bloody stones and to be honest I do find Prism’s talks a tiny bit boring.’
‘Prism? Boring? Surely not, Cyan,’ says Moon. ‘It’s not just about finding out what crystals you need. Don’t you remember last week how Prism showed you that your natal chart is a personal treasure map, a dynamic indicator for your soul’s path of your healing journey.’
‘Well maybe I don’t feel very healed,’ says Cyan. ‘Oh, I don’t know, Moon. Perhaps I’m just tired.’
‘Let me give you an ayurvedic massage,’ says Moon. ‘I’ve got some organic almond oil.’
‘I think I’ll just have a bath and go to bed,’ she says. ‘I’ve got an early start tomorrow. I have a wood to inspect.’
Jet Black is walking Bono in Long Ridge Wood when he spots her. She is the lady who was teaching the yoga class, the one in the flesh coloured leotard who was bent double during the warm up exercises. He would recognise that body anywhere. Not even the Wildlife Trust uniform can hide such a lovely figure. And she has a smile that could bring a dead dormouse back to life.
Cyan recognises him by his tattoos. She knows that she shouldn’t, but she does find them attractive. And those muscles. She could tell straight away at the yoga class that although he was lacking in grace, he had been to the gym now and again. She had not seen him though at Jim’s Gym. Perhaps he was new to town.
‘Hello,’ he says shyly. He is not used to talking to attractive women. You do not come across many babes in The Black Horse or The White Lion. And he was certainly protected from such opportunities in Belmarsh. Not even Tracey had been to visit.
‘You’re not stalking me, are you,’ she laughs. ‘I’ve heard about people like you.’
‘I’m just taking Bono here for a walk,’ he says. ‘He loves these woods.’
‘Ancient beechwood and unimproved grassland,’ she says. ‘Maximum biodiversity to provide the basis for a balanced ecosystem.’
‘That’s a distinctive aroma,’ he says, edging a little closer. ‘What is it?’
‘That will be the rotting leaves,’ she says.
‘Not that smell,’ he says. ‘A sweet minty perfume. Is it something that you’re wearing?’
‘Oh that’s patchouli,’ says Cyan.
‘It’s lovely,’ he says. ‘And so are you.’ There! He has said it. There’s no going back now.
Moon is not sure what is wrong with Cyan. Something must be troubling her. She said that she is busy at the weekend and now she is not taking his calls. In the two years that they have been seeing each other, nothing like this has happened before. She has always been so accommodating. They have always done everything together. He had hoped they might go to a Channelled Angel Reading on Friday night and then have a snack at Give Peas A Chance. Then afterwards they might try out the ginger dusk scented candle, with some soft music. He has called round several times and even spoken to her neighbours but they have not seen her. River who runs the New Age bookshop says he saw her earlier coming out of BargainBooze with a big bag, but that can’t be right.
Cyan has invited Jet Black round. She has never done such a thing with a stranger before. It is unheard of in the circles she moves in to be so familiar with someone that you’ve only just met. She is not sure what has come over her. Perhaps it is the rugged profile of Jet’s jaw, the pounding testosterone, the rippling muscles and of course the tattoos. Perhaps it is the nascent desire for excitement. Whatever it is, she has never had these kinds of feelings before. She cannot recall ever having strong feelings of any kind. She has always just gone with the flow.
She was brought up in a remote rural location. There was no curriculum at the school she attended and she remained innocent of the ways of the world. She did not rebel as a teenager simply because she was unaware of what she might rebel against. Life was uneventful. There were no highs and no lows. There was no site of struggle in her neighbourhood. In fact, there were no neighbours in her neighbourhood. Her parents did not bother with television which was just as well because a lot of the time there was not even a TV signal in this isolated community. There would probably never be a mobile phone signal.
It wasn’t until she went to agricultural college at nineteen that she had her first boyfriend. Dagon was gentle and over a period of several years eased her into intimacy. Inhibited as they both were sex never became the driving force of their relationship. She couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about. It was three months before she let Moon over the threshold, and another month before she let him undo the buttons of her blouse. She was in no hurry to move things forward. It wasn’t until six months into their relationship that she finally allowed him to explore her panties. She was twenty seven and Moon was only her second lover.
Cyan is on her third glass of wine and feels light headed. She has turned her phone off in case Moon calls again. While she doesn’t want to upset him, she does wish he would let her have some space. She had to hide behind the curtain for half an hour earlier. He has gone now. Hopefully, he won’t be back until after Jet has had a chance to pin her to the bed, roughly part her thighs and possess her in a frenzy of unbridled passion. Where, she wonders, are these thoughts coming from? What is happening to her?
Something about meeting Cyan has put Jet in touch with his gentler side. He spent the previous evening carving a Buddha from a chunky stick that Bono picked up in the woods. He thinks that the little wooden icon is the sort of thing a girl like Cyan would appreciate; he noticed when they met she wore a Buddha charm bracelet. He has even read a little about Buddha on Wikipedia. Buddha seemed a sound guy, honest and trustworthy and full of thought for others. Not at all like Charlie, the self-styled guru in Belmarsh. Charlie, named after Charlie Manson, Jet found out, would stick a knife in your throat or steal the clothes off your back.
When he arrives at Cyan’s though he finds her three sheets to the wind. This is not at all the welcome he was expecting but he has had plenty of experience of this condition with Tracey. It usually ended in a fist fight and the kitchen getting wrecked. While he does not imagine this is going to be the case with Cyan, he needs to tread carefully. He struggles to remember what they were told in the interpersonal psychology class inside. The dude banged on a lot about listening and passivity.
‘Would you like a glass of wine,’ says Cyan, filling up a tumbler for him from the half empty bottle of Rioja.
‘No thanks. I don’t drink wine,’ says Jet.
‘Not even for a special occasion,’ she purrs.
Jet remembers the psychology guy saying that distraction was a useful tactic. You could talk someone down who was about to jump or prevent someone with fists raised from hitting you by taking their mind off their subject. ‘It’s hot and humid in Kuala Lumpur,’ he continues. ‘It says on the news they are having a heatwave.’
‘I’ve got beer in the fridge,’ says Cyan, lurching towards the kitchen.
‘I might buy a guitar when I’ve got some money,’ he says. ‘And learn to play like George Harrison.’
‘I did think of getting some whiskey,’ she says. ‘I could nip down to the off-licence if you like.’
The psychology guy’s reasoning was clearly flawed. ‘What I’d really like is a cup of tea,’ he says. ‘Why don’t we both have a nice cup of tea.’
On the way home on the bus, Jet feels despondent. It is clear to him that Cyan has a serious drink problem. He had not suspected this when he met her in the woods. She seemed all sweetness and light then. Perhaps everyone has a deep seated issue if you look for it. At least Cyan is not trying to hide it. She is not a secret drinker like some he has known, Kathy for instance. Kathy would hide it everywhere, under the sink, behind the potted plants, in the garage, in with the grass cuttings, everywhere. He is sure that Cyan is a lovely person beneath it all. He needs to help her. She deserves that much. Helping her will also help him to convince himself that he has changed.
After the embarrassment of the evening though, he decides to leave it a few days and then give her a call. Or maybe wait until he sees her at the yoga class. He will ask if she would like to go for a walk on the common with him and Bono. There are no pubs or retail outlets near the common. She will probably be able to tell him what the trees are and the names of the wildflowers. He could even put together a picnic.
‘Why have you been ignoring my calls?’ says Moon.
‘Can you not shout please,’ says Cyan. ‘I’ve got a really bad headache this morning.’
‘I’m not shouting,’ says Moon. He picks up one of the wine bottles. ‘Perhaps you couldn’t hear them because of the noise from your party.’
‘Sarcasm is just one more thing that you are not very good at,’ says Cyan. ‘So why don’t you just shut up.’
‘What’s got into you?’ says Moon. ‘You have not been yourself lately. Is it all to do with me not wanting to go to this rock festival?’
‘Why don’t you just go off and find a unicorn or a crop circle or something,’ says Cyan. ‘Just leave me alone, will you?’
Actual Bodily Harm is not the most serious offence in the lexicon of Offences Against The Person. Jet knows that it carries a maximum sentence of five years, but the charge is broad in its scope. It can refer to quite serious injuries, but it can also refer to just a few bruises. Perhaps Cyan and Moon were just pushing each other around a little and Moon fell. Cyan was certainly in a hurry to put a stop to the conversation once she felt that he was prying. But, as Cyan has no criminal record, she will probably just get a fine, he feels, especially if Moon does not want to pursue the matter.
In Jet’s experience alcohol is at the root of a majority of threatening behaviour, not just physical aggression but verbal abuse as well. God knows, he had threatened enough people when he had been on the pop and Tracey was at her most vicious after a skinful. Before it lost its licence The Prince of Wales on a Friday night could be like Culloden. And, A and E was a who’s who of alcoholics after a darts night at The Caledonian.
Cyan surely would not have told him to fuck off and mind his own business last night when he offered to come round if she was sober. She might be a bit resentful that he didn’t respond to her come on the other night and in her booze-fuelled haze have seen it as a rejection. Some people he has heard take rejection very badly. Jet realises that Cyan needs his help more than ever now to turn her life around. He must try to get her off the liquor. An alcohol support group called NewLeaf meets at the community centre. When the time is right he will suggest that she goes along.
Cyan does not answer any more of Jet’s calls and she is not at the yoga class. He asks Indigo if she might know where she is.
‘I haven’t seen her,’ says Indigo. ‘I’ve phoned her a couple of times but she doesn’t seem to be answering.’
‘I’ve been trying to get her all week,’ says Jet.
‘It’s not like her at all,’ says Indigo. ‘I’ve known her for years and if she sees that I’ve called she always gets straight back to me. Do you think perhaps something is wrong?’
‘Look. I probably shouldn’t say anything but she was arrested last week, says Jet.
‘Arrested? Cyan arrested? You’re joking, right? she says looking him in the eye. He does not have the look of someone who is joking.
‘Yes, for ABH. I think it’s all to do with the juice,’ says Jet.
‘Juice?’ says Indigo. ‘What do you mean, juice? What kind of juice?’
‘You know, the sauce,’ says Jet. ‘The booze.’
‘What?’ says Indigo. ‘No. Never. Not Cyan. She’s about as teetotal as they come. She doesn’t even drink tea or coffee.’
‘Well, she may not have used to drink,’ says Jet. ‘But I’m afraid she does now.’
‘And I can’t imagine her ever being violent,’ says Indigo. ‘Not in a million years. She wouldn’t harm a fly.’
‘What about this Moon dude?’ says Jet. ‘Do you know anything about him?’
‘She’s been with him for years,’ says Indigo. ‘Moon’s the nicest person you could ever wish to meet.’
‘Well, something’s gone badly wrong with the universe then,’ says Jet.
‘You might not be far off with that,’ says Indigo. ‘There have been some portentous planetary alignments lately. Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn were roughly aligned with the Sun ten days ago, and Venus and Mars are in alignment again tonight.’
‘There must be a song there somewhere,’ says Jet. ‘I would like to be able to help Cyan, so if you do hear anything.’
‘I know you do. Despite your build and your ….. body art, I can see you are a very sensitive man who is in touch with his feminine side. I could tell as soon as I saw you. You give off a kind vibe.’
His feminine side? This is not something that Jet has been told before. Should he take it as a compliment? Years ago he might have hit anyone who had said this, even if it was a woman. But in the given circumstances, he does feel strangely flattered.
‘Why don’t you come along to my Vipissana meditation class on Thursday,’ says Indigo. ‘I think you’d love it.’
‘I might just do that,’ says Jet, studying Indigo’s flesh coloured leotard. ‘I think mediation might be exactly what I need.’
Cyan is with her solicitor, Ray Crooner, a thickset man in his forties wearing a dark blue pinstripe suit that is a size too small and a tattersall check shirt. Ray has the pallor of a world-weary defence solicitor and his office has that solicitor’s office smell, an odd mix of musk, laser printer toner and disappointment.
‘It would not be so bad if you hadn’t gone round to your friend Moon’s and beat him up all over again,’ says Ray. ‘He is out of hospital now, I believe.’
‘We will have to put in a guilty plea and claim mitigating circumstances, but I don’t think that you will avoid a custodial sentence. All we can do is try to limit this to three or six months,’ he says. ‘What would you say we could use as mitigation? Did he hit you? Did he provoke you in any way?Did he crash your car or jump up and down on your iphone or anything that might warrant retaliation? ‘
‘He said that he didn’t like my tattoos,’ says Cyan.
‘If it comes to that, I don’t like your tattoos,’ says Ray Crooner. ‘And the judge will almost certainly not like your tattoos What is that one on your forehead?’
‘That’s the Angel of Death,’ says Cyan.
‘Anyway, I don’t think this …. Moon, what kind of name is that anyway ….. this Moon not liking your tattoos is going to get us far in terms of mitigation,’ says Ray. ‘The judge will take one look at those unsightly markings and your ….. barrage of nasal jewellery and make a decision influenced by this.’
‘Haven’t we got to go to magistrates first?’ says Cyan.
‘Yes, we do have to go to magistrates first,’ says Ray. ‘But really, do you think that magistrates are going are going to look favourably on someone who resembles a degenerate troglodyte. They probably won’t even ask your name or give you the Bible to swear on. They pass cases like yours straight on. I might as well not turn up.’
‘How about this then,’ says Cyan. ‘I went to a heavy metal festival where Devil’s Henchmen force fed me a vicious cocktail of mind-bending drugs and dragged me off screaming to a tattoo marquee. It was like a descent into Hell. While Dark Funeral were playing, Satanic forces took over and before I knew it I was hearing voices in my head telling me to kill Moon.’
‘Better,’ says Ray. ‘We might just be able to keep the sentence beneath twelve months.’
Jet and Indigo have recently returned from an ashram in Goa, where they have been receiving spiritual guidance from Swami Govinda and buying kaftans for Jet’s new wardrobe. They have moved in together. Jet now gets up at five every morning, takes Bono for a quick walk and does a half an hour’s Tai Chi, before his bowl of whole grain cereal with goji berries and manuka honey. He now has a healthy outdoor job working with wildlife. He practices yoga, in fact when Indigo is busy, he says he is going to run the class for her. They meditate to a CD with sounds of running water. Their new apartment is awash with aloe vera and weeping fig plants to purify the air. He works out at the gym and he takes a veritable orchestra of vitamins and supplements. He cycles everywhere, well nearly everywhere. When he does take the car, he listens to soothing music, Einaudi, Eno or Enya. He never drinks alcohol.
‘Do you think we should visit Cyan in Holloway?’ he says to Indigo, as he mixes the smoothies. It has been on his mind lately that she may not have had any visitors.
Indigo wants him to get back to massaging her thighs. ‘Soon,’ she says. ‘Perhaps we will visit her soon.’
© Chris Green 2015: All rights reserved